Tell me a Nightmare

I wrote these film reviews when I was 14. Hire me to draw!

-Lillian Schrag

[Ignore the pub dates; as some were written on the same day, they are arranged here to be read in the order they were written, from the Innocents to Misery. These were actually composed from April through September 2021.

All the spoilers!]

The goal of Tell Me a Nightmare is to find the one horror movie that genuinely scares me. I watched a bunch of horror movies on Netflix. Some were creepy but not good, some were good but not creepy. I don’t want two hours of torture porn (Texas Chainsaw Massacre was good though) or just shock value. I’m looking for a movie that makes me feel like someone’s watching me.

It’s got to be scary but also at least good in two other categories. If it’s just scary but also a bad movie . . . I’m not asking for five out of five yogurt cups. I just want one that’s terrifying and good in at least one other way.

When I was a little kid, I was scared to close the closet door. I had to have a light on and a record on. Now I keep my room dark, and if the closet is open, it’s a little creepy, but . . .

I’m looking for a movie that makes me want to close my closet door before I can go to sleep.

My rating system is yogurt cups because vanilla yogurt cups are the best yogurt cups. Greek yogurt, lime yogurt? Yuck.

Five categories:Scary, Creepy, Disturbing, Suspenseful and Good.

Which movie do you think is the scariest?

The Innocents (1961)
Blair Witch Project (1999)
Jaws (1975)
Suspiria (1977)
The Shining (1980)

The Descent (2005)
Carrie (1976)
The Candyman (2021)
The Wickerman (1973)
Misery (1990)